So the July Monthly Indie Games Roundup is up.

(By the way, if you haven’t tried Ye Olde Truck Dismount game, well, ya should.)

This gets me to thinkin’. (I’m obsessive that way.) I’ve read the Roundup every month since I found it, and I just keep wondering. These guys talk amongst themselves (if filing a one-paragraph review on a game can be described in such a manner) casually about how a certain game “is a Diablo II clone, and much better than most” or “is another R-type game”, and it sets my mind to spinning…

…how many kinds of games are there? Is it, perhaps, a finite set?

Of course, that notion is absurd. However… when you throw out every type of game that doesn’t score a 9 or a 10, the field shrinks dramatically. I’m starting to believe that there is a finite set of interesting games that can strike the fancy of humans. One list might look like this:

- the diablo (top-down iso real-time RPG with random dungeon generation)
- the rogue (top-down turn-based RPG with random dungeon generation)
- the xevious (top-down game-paced top-scrolling shooter)
- the commando (top-down player-paced top-scrolling shooter)
- the r-type (side scrolling game-paced shooter)
- the mario (side scrolling 2d platformer)
- the metroid (side-scrolling 2d platformer + shooter with up and down scrolling)
- the arkanoid (paddle-based ball & wall)
- the marble madness (or, the hamsterball if you prefer)
- the bejeweled (pattern matching grid game)
- the tetris (pattern matching time pressure game)
- the street fighter (2d fighter)
- the duck hunt (shooting gallery; also known as the hogan’s alley)
- the bioware (top-down iso RPG)
- the kotor (3rd person turn-based-combat RPG)
- the zelda (3rd person realtime-combat RPG)
- the wolfenstein (1st-person shooter)
- the hitman (3rd-person shooter)
- the minesweeper
- the pinball
- the [insert all sports types]
- …?

There are more, I am sure. Help me out here.

[Edit 11:11am: I've been helped! Here's my digestion of the brave Druid's post:

- the starcraft (top-down RTS)
- the battlezone (first-person RTS; lo, may we someday again meet one of your elusive kin)
- the sim city (city simulator)
- the civilization (turn-based cultural RPG)
- the sims (people simulator)
- the tamagotchi (pet simulator)
- the [insert all card games]
- the risk (turn-based unit-based map-based warfare)
- the advance wars (turn-based tactical warfare)
- the mario 64 (3D platformer)
- the druid is a sarcastic whiner (text adventures)
- the myst (1st-person clicky adventure)
- the police quest (3rd-person clicky adventure)
- the ddr (rhythm game)
- the robotron (swarm-based speed shooter; also known as the sinistar)
- the space hulk (turn-based squad-based action)
- the pac-man (speed-based vacuum game; also known as the katamari)
- the insaniquarium (swarm-based speed vacuum game?)
- the tempest (something completely unique, and never repeated; also known as the qix)
- the panzer dragoon (3D rail-shooter)
- the lineage (3rd-person iso massive online RPG)
- the world of warcraft (3rd person massive online RPG; also known, by heretics, as the everquest)
- the house of the dead (action-arcade shooting gallery)

…we’re doin’ pretty good! Are there more?]

[Edit 4:16pm: A few more occur to me:

- the contra (2D player-paced side-scrolling shooter)
- the kirby (2D player-paced side-scrolling fighter; also known as the rygar)
- the gauntlet (1 to 4-player top-down brawler)
- the dragon's lair (interactive movie)
- the resident evil (3rd-person survival horror)
- the grand theft auto (3rd-person urban life simulation)

...?]

So now I’m pondering weight loss.

It’s nearly impossible to discuss (or, heck, to even think) about this topic without shipping in a truckload of baggage from far-flug locations. At least, it is if you’re a middle-class 30-something ‘merican deeply dipped in the cultural fondue of the States. But, as it turns out, ya kinda hafta try anyway, mountains of baggage or no.

Let’s start at some random spot in the middle.

My wife recently came back from a trip to Paris (or, Paree, as it is known), and returned bright-eyed and inspired by the notoriously pragmatic approach French ladies take to their food. That is, they don’t eat very much of it. Remarkably, this keeps them thin.

…

You can taste the irony in that paragraph I crafted for you, can’t you? One eyebrow raised, just a little, the barest hint of a smile, to see if you’ll get the joke? Okay, good. Now, imagine that that’s the best I’ve been able to do over the course of my years on this rotating rock to confront the issue of my belly. I can summon irony about the topic at will; I’m an expert at smiling at the painful truth of our collective (and my specific) inability to remain slender over the long-term. But so far all that has done has made me clever and fat.

Soon, if this continues, I will be clever and dead.

Here’s the thing: I’ve watched many of my various compatriots try and fail at an abundance of tactics designed to deal with this scourge. My father was weighty, and it killed him, and he struggled his entire life with this or that or this or now I’m gonna only eat rocks.

From observing this constant flailing, I deduced that temporary “self-control-based” solutions seem to lead to long-term failure. I’m not certain that this is right, but I’m like 95%. Which is to say, I think it’s an unlikely path to success.

So, what, then?

I think my best thought so far is environmental design. Which is to say, construct a life that requires me to behave in the manner that will keep me alive until my late 90′s.

What behavior are we talking about here? To wit: thin people fall into two broad categories: the ones who don’t eat very much, and the ones who don’t eat very much and excercise a lot. The ones that exercise are broad, and the ones that don’t are skinny. I’m broad, so which behavior is appropriate for me seems clear.

This means that I must design a life that requires me to starve and excercise for the right to continue my pursuits.

So, that’s the general parameters of the problem. Doesn’t sound too hard, does it? So why the fatness?

Not sure. But, I’m starting to wonder about one thing: I have been operating under the supposition that I have a remarkable lack of self-discipline when it comes to changing my behavior around eating and exercising. Now, history is certainly my friend when it comes to finding evidence for this. But…

…doesn’t that sound convenient to you? I mean… you know…

Check this out.

Here’s some more about that.

Near the end, that article (the second clicky link there) says something like this:

People trust simply designed sites. Tired.com’s plain-text, unadorned format seems soothing and trustworthy, particularly when compared to the garish, on-the-make look of most sites.

I think this is true, and I think it’s something that is often overlooked in design: simplicity = clarity = comfort.

I wish I had more to say about that, but I think that about sums it up.

If you haven’t seen the Darkon trailer… well, you’re about to.

Before you go there, however, I have to warn you: what you see may horrify you. Like, in a “oh my GOD I can’t believe that actually happens” kind of way.

It also may delight you. Depends, I suppose, on how far into that well you’ve dipped your bucket in your sordid, secret past (yes, we know all about it, and even about that other thing).

However, there’s something absolutely wonderful about what you are about to see, but to see it you have to get through at least halfway. So, go. Go, I say.

Done?

Okay, I have this to say about that there thing. It is high time someone made a serious documentary about the utter lunacy that live action gamers put themselves through. If the eventual product is anything like the trailer you just saw, I can safely say that the filmmakers will have captured nearly exactly what it is like to be engaged in that madess.

I know this. Because when I watch it I experience a kind of fascinated horror at the sheer nerve of these people to do such audacious thing. Mixed in with this is a kind of wonderous delight at the medieval pagentry and utter swords & sorcery-ness of the whole thing.

And, see, this is exactly how I feel when I attend one of these escapades.

Why do I do it? I think it’s because the pain that I experience at watching nerds struggle through horrible improvised drama with utterly false accents does not exceed the rewarding pleasure I experience at the sight of piles of swords laid out for sale, or wonderous flowery medieval garb-ery. It’s close, but it’s still a net gain.

And thus, as the emotion of watching this trailer precisely replicates the emotion of attending the events this documentary portends to display, I can only assume that they’ve got it right. Don’t flinch from the stupidness, and also let the wonderousness of it all come forward in its own time, and maybe you might have some fun.

Goodness knows, I’m suddenly looking forward to seeing this little filmic project. Oh yes.

I don’t have much time, so I’ll try to be brief. See, the World of Warcraft login server is down, and that means that my primary impulse is momentarily unable to be satisfied. I may have to sign off at any moment.

Hang on, I need to check if it’s back on yet.

…

Nope. Okay.

How to describe it? I hit 60. Actually, I hit 60 over a week ago. And, much to my surprise…

Well, let’s just say that they may have done it to me again.

See, the game so completely fails to stop at level 60 that it makes one wonder why they even bothered to stop the levels there. I mean, the main difference seems to be that my XP bar has turned off. Other than that…

Actually, I exaggerate some. Let me offer this: the first few hours of gameplay after hitting 60 were like walking around in a newly purchased house. I walked from room to room, ecstatic at the accomplishment the mere existence of the place indicated, and, slowly, realizing that I had signed myself up for a whole new, uncharted realm of challenge and… work.

It took only two hours for the desire for experience points to disappear entirely, leaving behind it only the urge to claim treasures. This was well-televised before I got here, and thus was not particularly surprising, but it’s sometimes stranger to experience something that you’ve seen hundreds of other people experience before you, and to find that it’s something that you have to come to on your own terms.

Does that make sense? What I mean is, I had to decide to keep playing after 60. It feels like I poked around and found this other game they want me to play, on my own. But… well, so did everyone else, and clearly it was designed for this… but…

A tad quirky, that. Hang on.

…

Nope, still down. Okay.

I have several friends who have completely rejected the post-60 gameplay. And, I must say, I’m still on the fence about it.

But…

Well, see, I found Scholomance. It’s this wizard school, right? Like, but it’s been corrupted? And it’s all full of undead, and dark warlocks, and stuff? And it’s designed for beginner level 60s to go poke around in and get used to this new, entirely equipment-based game that they’ve built? And… and…

I gotta go.