There’s no getting around it.

Gears Of War Crimes Court Finds 2006 Locust Horde Massacre Justified

Personally, I thought that Fenix should have been at least held accountable for delaying the war effort by talking into his headpiece. Conspiracy theorists have posited that he “had to, man, that’s when the map loads”, but I don’t buy that. He needed to show some urgency.

I get this email in my inbox from my uncle. I read, I click…

…three minutes later I’m wiping the sweat from my palms, and shouting “Oh, no, oh you’ve got to be kidding me” at my computer screen.

First, the e-mail:

El Caminio del Rey (The King’s Pathway) is a walkway, now fallen into disrepair, pinned along the steep walls of a narrow gorge in El Chorro, near Álora in Málaga, Spain. The walkway has gone many years without maintenance, and is in a highly deteriorated and dangerous state. It is only one meter in width, and over a 700-meter fall, and over time it has also lost its handrail. Some parts of the walkway have completely collapsed and have been replaced by a beam and a metallic wire on the wall. Many people have lost their lives on the walkway in recent years. After four people died in two accidents in 1999 and 2000, the local government closed the entrances. However, adventurous tourists still find their way into the walkway.

And now, for the first time evar, I shall attempt to embed something in this blog thing place deal. Here goes:

Here’s the original page. Wow, what an amazing place.

I found something cool.

The Bartle Test, according to its Wikipedia page:

The Bartle Test of Gamer Psychology is a series of questions and an accompanying scoring formula that classifies players of multiplayer online games (including MUDs and MMORPGs) into categories based on their gaming preferences. The test is based on the research of Richard Bartle and was organized into its first electronic form by Erwin Andreasen.[1][2][3] Although the test has met with some criticism [4] for the dichotomous nature of its question-asking methodology, the test has been taken by a large number of computer game players. As of July 2007, the test had been taken by over 300,000 game players.[5]

The result of the Bartle Test is the “Bartle Quotient,” which is calculated based on the answers to a series of 30 random questions in the test, and totals 200% across all categories, with no single category exceeding 100%.[6] For example, a person may score “100% Killer, 50% Socializer, 50% Achiever, 0% Explorer,” which indicates a player who prefers fighting other players relative to any other area of interest. Scores are typically abbreviated by the first letter of each category, in order of the quotient. In the previous example, this result would be described as a “KSAE” result.

The darklord:

Achiever 33.33%, Explorer 93.33%, Killer 46.67%, Socializer 26.67%

EKAS

EKAS players might be descibed as living by slogan: see the world, meet interesting people…and kill them. Immersion within the world is important to these players, because they love finding new things to explore–but they also enjoy the thrill of the hunt and finding other players within the world to fight.

That is so true.

Tim Robbins (my hero, one of many) gave a keynote speech at the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) conference day before yesterday. See, though, he was supposed to be being interviewed, but as you will hear, if you are foolish enough to click on the shiny link traps that the darklord offers you, things didn’t quite go the way they were planned. It seems the audience wanted to hear the speech that the organizers had vetoed, and, well, he’s Tim Robbins. (Here’s another (edited) link in case that one above goes down.)

It’s brilliant. He’s talking about the media, the history of broadcast, and our relationship to our audience as media makers. Also, he’s so fucking funny that it’s easy to forget that you’re listening to a goddamn rabble rouser. I’ll warn you: he says dirty words. Like “inspiration”, and “responsibility”. You know how he is. He likes irony.

I wish there was a real movie link up on YouTube. I will wait, vulture-like, perched on my limb, for my feast to present itself. It’s only a matter of time.

p.s. Turns out that the host of the “interview” in question was none other than David Bianculli, someone who anyone who listens to NPR will recognize as “that guy, yeah, he does the movie reviews!” David posted his version of events, which, while not quite as entertaining as the talk itself, is also wonderful.

p.p.s. It bears mentioning in this blog that the darklord found this particular piece of audio chattery deeply moving. I know, I know, a casual review of the darklord’s prior blog posts will no doubt reveal at least a dozen such uses of the word “moving”. I move a lot! What can I say. His bit at the end, the meat, the appeal, it really got me going. It’s good stuff. He’s right.

Okay, okay, I beat Xananeko this weekend. Total time: something around 5 hours. This is yet another tick in the “I’m the man” column.

I’m the man.

Actually, given the trouble I had getting out of that goddamn dungeon, I think I’m probably more the young man. Maybe the teenage boy.

Either way. I’m out, and I have my prize. Double w00t.

There’s a sequel to this stupid Shockwave game, and I haven’t cracked the seal on it. But I will – I can feel it coming, like the breeze in the early morning off the ocean that foreshadows the demonic invasion and subjugation of the world. I can tell: scene 2 will be played.

I love this game! Have I mentioned I love this game? I love it! I love it, because as I mentioned previously, it’s not really a game – it’s like the summary of of a game.

It’s the Cliff Notes to Zelda. It doesn’t really convey the whole experience, but it gives you enough data to write a report and sound like you did.

Why would I love such an abominable thing? I’m glad you asked. I know you are bristling inside, desperate to understand my internal gaming motivations. Why else would you be here, really.

I love it because I adore experiences that reveal the “deep structure” of gaming, and this is one of those. I experience something akin to glory when I perceive that when you take all the bells and whistles off of a complex, wonderful game, that there is a simple, wonderful game underneath it.

Confirming that the deep structure rules makes me less worried about all the other crap that is often loaded on top of the games I play.

I realize that this notion will be controversial with some of my (younger, less experienced, more reactionary) readers. I accept these terms. And then I mock you with them. Thtphtphtptphtphtphtpt.

TANGENT!

After spending Sunday day at the ballpark, I’m at home today, baking. I’m letting my skin heal. I’m soothing my angry blistered flesh. Yes, you heard me – I went to a baseball game.

I didn’t bring sunblock, which was an oversight. When I got to the stadium, and realized our seats were in the sun, I didn’t do anything about it. That was the dumb part.

Now, I suffer. I stare at my angry knees, tops-of-hands, and forehead (I don’t stare at my forehead, actually), and I weep for their suffering.

…

It’s not really that bad. But I enjoy employing hyperbole. It makes my days more attention-getting, which is the goal.